Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted
him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for
fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would
not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am
from. The discovery of the Higgs
boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and
Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here
to stop it ever happening."
This isn't the first time time-travel has been blamed for mishaps at the LHC. Last year, the
Japanese physicist Masao Ninomiya and Danish string-theory pioneer Holger Bech Nielsen put forward the hypothesis that the Higgs boson was so "abhorrent" that it somehow caused a ripple in time that prevented its own discovery.
Professor Brian Cox, a CERN physicist and full-time rock'n'roll TV scientist, was sympathetic to Mr Cole. "Bless him, he sounds harmless enough. At least he didn't mention bloody black holes."
Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.